Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
