I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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