So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Green mimosas i think yes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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