Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
