I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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