dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
