There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
