I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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