So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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