i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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