i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
