My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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