"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
