Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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