im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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