Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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