Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
