too bad you live with your parents still
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
