remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
