I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
