please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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