just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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