Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
