How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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