If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
