Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
