dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
