How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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