I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
