i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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