also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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