I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
