You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
