i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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