I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
