loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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