did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
