DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
