do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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