i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a beard to bite.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
