Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
