Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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