try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
