I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
