The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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