So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
