Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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