and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
