just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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