I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
