ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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