Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
