He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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