these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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