did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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