omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
