he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
