Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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