i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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