if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
