I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
