Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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