omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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