the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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