Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i think my cat just said my name.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
