apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
