Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
