My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
