i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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