I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
