I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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